A little rabbit sits underneath my Great Grandmother. Native American cultures hold that the rabbit signifies fear. Rabbit's’s intense focus on his fears actually brings about that which he fears. That was my paradigm for many years. Beneath my face is a human face with horns- much like a centaur. This symbolizes the other side of fear – power and deviance. I believe that they are the same as fear.

This moment is about sitting and acknowledging these alter egos in meditation. Its about allowing space and observation of the fear that cowers in us, and the power we assume to control it. I learn something new every time I sit in blue meditation.

I’m standing at the kitchen sink and my face is painted like a clown. A crow has perched on my shoulder; she’s furiously flapping her wings. She has been at it long enough to pierce my skin. My foot is bent back to show longing for my glorious and fuzzy past trying to escape the hell of charades I created. The little crow is going to extremes to get my attention and despite the pain I continue to ignore her.

I was 23 and my parents had been struggling with serious illness for ten years. I didn’t have much more than my time and labor I could contribute but somewhere along the way I twisted my gift into a tool and worse, the measure of my worth. Yes, it is good to be an obedient and loyal daughter. However, I needed to learn the discipline of acceptance and restraint to truly be healthy and successful in my situation. The idea that I could change things (or people) based on how much I did or did not do was pompous and manipulative. The notion that those actions and gifts determined my worth is simply untrue. These beliefs and actions were creating my role of the “devoted daughter” – a woman caged by duty, honor and sacrifice. I created pain by allowing harsh negative self-judgment to dictate how much love I am allowed.

I have a talent for remembering what I should forget and forgetting what I should remember. My skewed memories created this mask made of the past and my fear of the future. The largest image is my face framed by a hood. It is almost entirely covered in my own hallucination. I'm so focused on the past and the future what I see is obstructed, my words are muffled, and the air is stagnant.

There is an elephant in the center of my face by the sand dunes. She symbolizes my ability to hold on to memories over time when the best thing may be to forget, but an elephant never forgets.